As I shared with you on January 1, this is the year I work on releasing things that no longer serve me. I have no idea what “releasable” behaviors, attitudes and tangible items are going to be revealed to me but I am remaining open-minded and willing.
Last Monday I spent the afternoon with one of my closest friends. We are separated by 90 miles and crazy schedules, so this was our first hang-out in about two years. We went to a Nashville institution, Rotier’s for lunch. Afterward we drove around town and I showed him booming neighborhoods that used to be anything but. As our tour was winding down I commented on what a great day it had been. His response?
“Well, when we first got together, I thought you seemed a little depressed.”
Huh? I didn’t feel depressed at all. At least, I didn’t think I did.
Later that night I reflected on the comment as well as a revelation that began bubbling up a few days prior during an advanced coaching course I’m taking. I don’t like what I discovered about myself:
When my schedule isn’t packed with activity, I dip into a mood that mimics depression. In other words, I’m not so great with down time. My friend is as Type B as they come, and I couldn’t be more Type A. The only thing on my schedule prior to meeting him was a three-mile run; my morning was not filled with busy-ness.
He and I had a follow-up phone call about my new-found issue. I also brought it to the coaching class as well as to a conversation with my mentor coach. I was able to admit that over time, I’ve let tasks and to-do lists take over my daily meditation time, a ritual that used to mean a lot to me. When I described a typical morning to my coach, she said she was exhausted just listening to me. Clearly, I will benefit from releasing busy-ness.
Over the last few days I’ve reinstated my meditation ritual. Right now my mind screams and I don’t practice for very long, but I’m taking baby steps and I look forward to quiet time with God.
I intend to kick the habit of multi-tasking. I’m kidding myself when I think I’m more productive when doing a million things at once. I also intend to give myself a break more often. I’m a list maker and I don’t necessarily want to change that, but that list isn’t filled with life or death tasks. If things don’t get done, I’ll get to them when I get to them.
A hectic schedule is my default. Releasing busy-ness isn’t going to happen overnight. But being aware is the first step. I have felt fantastically-at-ease over the last few days. I want more of that and I am willing to work on myself in order to have it.