Today over at the site Sisterhood of the Shrinking Jeans, folks are encouraged to blog about a confession. Interestingly, today’s blog post was already taking shape in my mind. And it was a confession. So here goes.
Last night I was not the person I wanted to be. I’ve been enjoying several weeks of zen attitude following a much-needed vacation. Work has been going well, there’s been an absence of drama amongst family and friends. Life’s been good. Until I got home from work and checked my email.
I help coordinate my church’s English as a Second Language program. We teach on Tuesday nights. The other two program coordinators are out of town this week, but they have substitutes lined up to teach. I received an email letting me know that two other teachers will not be present tonight. No substitutes. No lesson plans. Two classes of people who don’t speak English and no one to teach them. I freaked. I panicked. I said bad words.
I called one of my fellow program coordinators an interrupted his business trip. He panicked along with me. Misery loves company! I pitched my hastily thought-up back-up plan, which to him made since. I still felt panicked and wasn’t able to put pen to paper to actually write the back up plan. So I called a buddy whom I believe to be one of the most creative members of my church. He helped me write the plan and even offered to show up tonight and help teach. A feeling of calm began to wash over me.
And then I checked email again. The teachers who were not going to show up changed their plans and they are coming after all. All of that panic, all of that stress, for nothing.
But I believe EVERY episode of panic (excluding true life or death emergencies) is a waist of time. What I experienced last night was an hour or so of forgetting who’s in charge. I believe in a Higher Power and it ain’t me.
I’m still beating myself up over last night’s melt down. But I take comfort in knowing I didn’t use one ounce of addictive substances (not even a half-ounce). I hope the next time I’m faced with one of life’s roadblocks I can remember my Higher Power has already worked it out.