This morning at church, someone told me I am an inspiration “to all of us.” I think by “all of us” she meant women who can see age 50 from where they are currently standing. She was referring to my weight loss. I’ve recently lost five more pounds, bringing my overall total to 76 pounds. While I still have more weight to lose, several people have told me they can tell I’ve recently lost a little more.
I’ve lost and gained weight many times before. In the old days, someone telling me I inspire them made me feel prideful. And to quote an old saying, “pride goeth before the fall.” Believe me, I fell…again and again.
Later at church I saw a woman who had lost a significant amount of weight. Today I noticed she’d gained back quite a bit. She’d admitted to my mom she’s gained weight and she’s ready to lose it again. I felt connected to her because I’ve been there. I know the frustration of enjoying diet success, only to gain back more than I had originally lost.
So what’s different for me this time? For starters, I don’t diet. I eat six “clean” mini meals a day. I eat like an athlete instead of a dieter. I’m very active and I train for events such as half-marathons and triathlons because doing so gives me the motivation I need to run/bike the miles, swim the laps, and face Trainer Micah in Boot Camp.
But those things aren’t the most important things I do. The most important thing I do is acknowledge that I only have a daily reprieve from an eating disorder and other “isms.” I didn’t “use” yesterday nor have I used over a whole bunch of yesterdays before that. And I haven’t used today. I don’t know what tomorrow will bring. I hope I won’t use then either. But all I have is today, and that’s all that really matters.
If my weight loss inspires others, that’s great. I will try to help anyone who reaches out to me. But in order to be of service to others, I have to face my “isms” every day. I pray I ever fool myself into thinking I’m “cured.”
Just for today.