Asking for Help/Wanting to Use

I’ve got two topics floating in my head, so my dear readers get a double dose of 482gr8.

Topic 1
Asking for Help

One of the things recovery friends have taught me is to ask for help when I need it. This is a lesson I’ve been slow to learn. But I needed help today and asked for it.

Lately I’ve been feeling like the weight of the world is on my shoulders. Work is very hectic (yet rewarding), and I’ve got more on my personal plate than I can manage. When life happens like this, it’s tempting for me to wallow in that overwhelmed feeling and before I know it I want to use. Today was such a day. And today I wanted to use sugar, to which I am highly addicted.

This morning my boss exchanged the usual pleasantries by asking me how I was doing. And I told her. “You know, I feel completely overwhelmed. I wonder if you would let me work from home this afternoon so I can plow through some projects uninterrupted.” She was happy to approve my request (love her!). So after my last meeting of the morning concluded I went home, plugged in my laptop and got to it. I completed two projects in record time. I will return to the office tomorrow feeling accomplished and somewhat caught up. I’m glad I asked for what I needed.

Topic 2
Wanting to Use

Working from home today was not without challenges. My niece’s birthday is this weekend and I am the cake baker (a tradition I started before I gave up sugar). During my lunch time I prepared the cake mix so it could bake while I worked. I figured doing this would help me get a step ahead for the weekend. What I didn’t count on was how tempting the cake batter would be due to my feeling so overwhelmed over work and personal commitments. It’s been a long time since I’ve craved sweets so terribly. I had cake batter all over my hands and there was no one in the house to catch me if I used. I really felt panicked and I wondered if I could get the mixing bowl in the sink and my hands rinsed before I caved.

I started thinking about how long I’ve been free of all of my addictive substances. As much as I wanted to use I couldn’t stand the thought of “starting over.”

My recovery is a gift and I want and need to take care of it. I’m happy to report that no cake batter passed my lips.

I am grateful.

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