The Colonoscopy Results

I’m sure you had trouble concentrating today, what with wondering about my colonoscopy and all. I have good news. All is well with my colon; there were no polyps.

If you are of a certain age and you’ve put off having this procedure, please don’t. It really wasn’t bad. I think I woke up during the procedure (unless it was a dream. Does one dream while on Propofol?) I remember watching the monitor and not really caring that I was awake. I was going to announce my alertness, but then closed my eyes and drifted off again. The next thing I knew I was being wheeled into the recovery room.

I regained full alertness very quickly. I remember the doctor coming in to tell me about my results. He even gave me souvenir photos. Yes, I now know what my colon looks like. Don’t worry, I’m not posting them. The doc said he would also talk to hubs in the event I couldn’t remember the conversation. But when hubs joined me in the recovery room I was able to relay everything.

The nurse who handled my hospital release told me that I was to take it easy today. Specifically, no driving and no operating heavy machinery. Hubs was present for these instructions and I’ve advised him that heavy machinery includes the stove and microwave.

I expected to be so hungry following yesterday’s liquid diet that I would eat the entire house today. But that’s not been the case. The worst part of this whole thing was the Gatorade I used as the base for the laxative powder didn’t sit well with me and made me nauseous. Really nauseous. Next time I’ll use Crystal Light which was one of the other approved choices.

So there you have it. Mission accomplished with no drama. Now it’s your turn.

Today I Shall Eat Jello…

and popsicles. I’ll drink chicken bullion. Later today I will take four Dulolax tablets. Two hours after that I will begin an hour-long consumption of 14 DOSES of Miralax mixed in Gatoraide…low calorie lemon-lime to be exact.

By now you may have guessed I’m having a colonoscopy tomorrow. Why in the world am I telling you this? I’ve heard it said that Baby-Boomers have never had an experience we didn’t share. Aside from that, I want you to read this. And if you are 50 or older and haven’t had a colonoscopy, I want you to talk to your doctor. If she wants to order the test, don’t procrastinate.

When I had my annual wellness visit with my doc last month, we discussed the fact that I would need to have this important procedure before my next visit. This will be my baseline test. If there are no polyps I’ll likely not need another test until I turn 60 in ten years. If polyps are found we’ll craft another plan.

While I’m already a smidge hungry there will be no complaining and no drama today. I won’t promise the same tomorrow when I have to get through the morning sans coffee, but I will try to be my normal, sparking self (insert eye-roll). I care very much about someone who is 51 years old and has shown no interest in getting a baseline test. To protect his identity, he’ll only be known as Hubs.  If I treat this like a trip to the park, perhaps he’ll be inspired to get his colonoscopy as well.

My reward for getting through today will be a nice line of Propofol tomorrow morning and hopefully a clean bill of health…

followed by something to eat.

51 Weeks

Note: I thought you might like some inspiration from a male perspective. My good friend Steve has made a wonderful transformation (with photos to prove it). Here’s his story:

April 28, 2012. On April 28th I travelled 13.1 miles in the Country Music Half Marathon but the journey didn’t start there. It started 51 weeks earlier.

Every year on the Sunday before Mother’s Day my family has a reunion of sorts. We meet in East Tennessee near the Hiwassee river and hike up to the “old home place.”  It’s not an incredibly strenuous hike but it is fairly steep at points. It’s mostly a fun time with folks I don’t see as often as I would like – there’s lots of time to visit as we hike and lots of pictures taken.

The next day I had to travel on business. I arrived at my destination around lunch time and was having a wonderful meal at Red Robin while I checked Facebook. One of my cousins had posted some pictures from the reunion and I stared at images of me in disbelief. Could I have really let myself go that badly?  I’ve never spent much time in front of the mirror but the mental image I had of myself sure didn’t match what I saw in those photos. I knew that I needed to make dramatic changes and I decided to start immediately.

Here’s Steve before his transformation.

A young man at our church had begun losing weight with the help of an iPhone app called My Fitness Pal. It’s a great tool to track your caloric intake as well as any exercise. It also gives you practical guidance on the number of calories to consume daily and how much weight to expect to lose each week if you stick to your plan. I downloaded the app, set up my profile and goals only to realize that I had consumed my entire daily caloric content in one meal at Red Robin!  I made it home, hit the treadmill, ate a banana for dinner and resolved that things would change.

These are the things I decided:

1) I would exercise every day, starting with walking 30 minutes.

2) I would find healthy alternatives for breakfast, lunch and snacks.

3) I would enjoy the same meal that my family ate for dinner but not overindulge.

4) I would not drink calories.

By the time Fall rolled around my 30 minute daily walks had stretched to an hour (two hours on Saturdays) and I had started running intervals. I had lost 30 lbs. and was still losing. By Christmas I was down 40 lbs. and I was running four days a week with 6-7 mile long runs.

At a Christmas party I visited with some friends who run marathons and I shared that I had considered trying the Country Music 1/2 Marathon but wasn’t sure I had it in me. When when I told them my time and mileage, they encouraged me to go for it. They also encouraged me to sign up for training with Fleet Feet [a running store in Brentwood, TN]. Looking back, while I believe I would have finished the half, I don’t think I would have done as well or been as confident without their help.

Race day was quite an experience!  I was planning on connecting with the Fleet Feet pace group I had been running with but couldn’t find them. I roamed around through some of the corrals and took in the sights but when the horn sounded for my corral to start I was alone (among 35,000 other runners and walkers). I cruised through the first four miles or so but by the time I reached the intersection of 12th and Wedgwood I was beginning to struggle. It was here that I connected with two of the Fleet Feet runners from my pace group. We encouraged each other up the hill but lost track of each other as we went down 16th Ave.

Before I reached the gulch I had to walk for a bit and by the time I reached the 10 mile mark I was having a really rough time. I looked in the crowd and spotted Brittany, the PT from Results Physiotherapy who treated me for some knee pain during training. She jumped in the road and ran with me for a bit to keep me going!

At the 11 mile mark I saw an older man go down in the middle of the street. It made me feel like backing it down a bit and I alternated running and walking for the next mile.  When I hit the 12 mile point one of the runners from my pace group caught me and kept me going to the end of the race. We finished side by side…vertical…running.

I had hoped to run the entire distance and I had hoped to finish faster, but I did finish.

51 weeks, more than 800 miles, and 40 lbs. later; I finished.

What’s next?

And here he is now! Go, Steve!

I Bit The Big Apple

A few weeks ago, the wonderful folks at Palomar flew me to New York as a “thank you” for testing the PaloVia wrinkle removing laser. I had a blast.

Seven other Top Testers and I were put up in the beautiful Hotel Gansevoort…you, know, the place where Kim and Kourtney live when they “take on New York.” On Friday night we were treated to dinner at The House in Gramercy Park. We had 8 p.m. ressies, but weren’t seated until an hour later. Tim Tebow and his posse lingered over their meal a bit longer than expected. Ever the gentleman, he boughta round for our trouble…if you can call that trouble.

My fellow bloggers and I got to know each other a bit over dinner. I have to say, I felt out of my league when the business cards were passed around. I have business cards for my ” day job” but it had never occurred to me to print cards for my blogging exploits. I wonder if I should step up my game? Hmmm….something to ponder.

Anyway, I really enjoyed meeting my new blogging acquaintances. Several of them are “beauty bloggers” who freely shared their tips gained from testing other products (I was encouraged to switch from my beloved Olay skincare line to Roc.) The PaloVia laser is intended only for use around the eyes. When I complained about my “11s” above my nose/between the eyes, one of the beauty bloggers plainly told me “the only thing that will fix those is Botox.” Sigh. I will once again ask Santa to bring Botox for Christmas.

On Saturday morning the hair, makeup and photo sessions were in full swing when I arrived for my 10 a.m. appointment. The sessions took place in a Gansevoort penthouse suite (no, we didn’t kick out the Kardashians; we used another suite). When I told the young stylist that I didn’t have “bouncin’ and behavin’ hair,” he thought that was the greatest new line he’d ever heard. When he told me he was going to start using itin his shop, I warned him that clients of a certain age would quickly let him know he wasn’t being fresh and hip. Sigh.

Here’s a view from the penthouse suite.

My first experience with airbrushed makeup.

My head shot. Thanks, Palomar!

After hair, makeup and photo shoot, I had a few hours to walk around Manhattan before my car would arrive to take me to the airport. It felt strange walking around town on a Saturday wearing photo shoot makeup complete with false eyelashes, but I survived.

It’s been a few weeks since that trip and I’m still using my PaloVia laser for maintenance twice a week. The skin around my eyes is tighter, so I have no plans to discontinue. I am incredibly grateful to Palomar for the experience and to Vibrant Nation for making the introduction.

Oh, I want you to meet my fellow PaloVia Top Testers. I hope you’ll give their blogs a read.

Beautiful Makeup Search
Prime Beauty Blog
Flourish Over Fifty
Third Age
Sassie Irish Lassie
Gouldy Lox Reviews
Beauty 411

Everyone I met was incredibly warm and friendly. I really hit it off Susan of Flourish Over Fifty, and I feel we’ll keep in touch, at least via Facebook. (Susan, keep me posted on that soon-to-be born grandchild!)

As I shared before leaving for New York, all of this was way out of my comfort zone, but I am so glad I did it!

Full disclosure: Palomar provided me a complimentary PaloVia laser for my use in this study and the company will provide transportation, lodging, food and photo shoot in Manhattan. The PaloVia retails for $499. Click here to learn more about it.

Dear Biggest Loser

Dear Biggest Loser,

You used to be my guilty pleasure. Yes, I realize people living in the “real world” can’t work out seven or eight hours per day while maintaining full-time careers, families, volunteer responsibilities…you get the picture. Nevertheless, I was inspired by the dramatic weight loss you spotlighted week after week. I admired those who over time learned to replace bingeing with healthy coping skills. Some of these people live with memories the likes of which I can’t imagine: the deaths of spouses and children, child abuse, alcoholic parents. I enjoyed watching contestants amaze themselves by the speeds they could handle on the treadmill. Granted the weekly, lengthy challenge was my signal to go upstairs and make myself a cup of Sleepytime Extra herb tea, but nothing’s perfect.

But the most recently ended season really worked my nerves. If things don’t change, I’ll seek inspiration elsewhere. Here are my suggestions for getting your show back on the tracks:

Lose the high drama. I realize these contestants have used food…and lots of it…as a coping mechanism. They experience withdrawal from abruptly coming off of sugar. I know what sugar withdrawal feels like  and trust me, I was no fun to be around while going through it. Contestants will not be at their best, but you don’t have to reward the worst behaved with extra screen time (think Conda). Conversely, when a contestant became super-stressed because her husband asked her to leave the ranch and you filmed her huge binge, you showed viewers the ugly truth about what disordered eating can look like. You may have helped other binge eaters take a hard look at their behavior and decide to make a change. I hope so.

Contestants, be thankful. You have received an incredible opportunity. You were chosen from countless applicants. You managed to put together a support team to care for your children and cover for you at work. Many people would give anything to be in your place. Don’t quit the show because things didn’t go the way you thought they should. You signed a legal document; keep your commitment. That’s what people of honor do. And for those of you who don’t quit, remember your fellow contestants bring emotional baggage to the ranch, just like you do. Show some compassion.

Bob Harper, act like a gentleman and lose the f-bombs. You’re a fellow Tennessean; make me proud. I really liked you when you were the “good cop” positioned against Jillian’s “bad cop.” Dolvett seems like a nice guy. It’s ok to have two nice guys serve as trainers. Really, it’s fine. I was so disappointed when you spent precious air time complaining that Dolvett stole your workout routines. If you copyrighted those routines (can routines even be copyrighted?) then perhaps you have a legitimate gripe, but in that episode you behaved like a child. I think you’re better than that.

Dolvett Quince, don’t ever feel the need to become a “bad cop.” Stay authentic. Don’t use language that requires bleeping. It’s unnecessary and it’s unbecoming.

I know you won’t adopt my suggestions for fear of creating a boring show. But America is getting fatter and sicker every year. If things don’t change we will bankrupt our country. You are in a position to inspire people to address eating disorders, to make healthy choices, to reduce the medications they take. But if you take my advise and you lose viewers…

Shame on us.

No Longer Dreading the White Coat

As I was pondering a post about my recent annual wellness visit, Sean Anderson posted the following on his Facebook Page: At over 500 pounds it was hard to look forward to a doctors visit because I knew what was coming. Somewhere along this road, as we transform, we start looking forward to seeing the doctor. I was like a dog waiting for my “good job” treat. And the treat is freedom. None better. How about you? Can you imagine actually looking forward to your doctors visit? Have you already experienced this?

Sean is the author of Transformation Road: My Trip to Over 500 Pounds and Back. He has a heart of gold and I enjoy our cyber-chats via Facebook. I responded to him by saying I’d recently had a great doctor’s visit and I was planning to write about it here.

It such a relief to no longer dread going to the doctor. I used to spend days rehearsing my response to the sure-to-be-addressed weight issue. I actually still have weight to lose, but my doc is so pleased with my progress she’s not pressing me. In fact, we spent most of this visit discussing the half marathon she’s been training for. We also discussed tests that I must have now that I’ve turned 50. Here’s the roll call:

• Mammogram every year instead of every other year
• Bone density test (new for me)
• Colonoscopy. I’ve already schedule this one. With any luck I’ll only do this once every 10 years. Stay tuned.
• Eye exam: I had lasik surgery years ago. Because I have no vision issues, I’ve failed to stay on top of glaucoma tests. I’ll have an eye exam this year.
• ENT exam: I finally discussed some issues I’ve had with mild dizziness, hearing loss and ringing in the ears. She thinks it could be allergies so I’ll have a test to hopefully rule out Ménière’s disease

The colonoscopy, mammogram and bone density tests are the top priority. I’ll deal with the eye exam and ENT visit later in the year, but certainly before next year’s annual well visit.

My doctor called me a few days ago to review my blood work. I have a Vitamin D deficiency which I’m addressing with supplements. Other than that, everything is PERFECT. My once high cholesterol is now 177. I’m grateful that the good report is due to clean eating and exercise; I take no medication (but certainly would do so if it were needed).

So, yes, Sean Anderson. Count me among the people who used to hate going to the doctor but now look forward to it. There’s no better “good job” treat for this old dog than having my physician describe me as “fit and healthy.”

Nervously Biting the Big Apple

I’m excited and nervous…mostly excited. I leave tomorrow for my trip to New York.  I’ll have dinner tomorrow night with the other PaloVia top testers. On Saturday we’ll have professional hairstyling and makeup and then have new head shots taken.

I’m excited because I have never done anything like this before. I’m nervous because…I’ve never done anything like this before. I’m one of those people who usually remains safely tucked inside of my comfort zone. I suppose turning 50 has made me rethink always playing it safe. Now, I won’t be bungee jumping or skydiving, but I am more willing to try new things.

What about you? Have you recently (or not so recently) had a milestone birthday? Did you make a conscious effort to make any changes in how you live your life? Leave a comment and give us the dish.

Try to win this!

Don’t forget, you can hop over to Vibrant Nation and enter the laser give-away contest. Just click here and answer the question at the bottom of the post. Be sure and click the green Join Now button at the top right corner of the page before adding your comment.

Full disclosure: Palomar provided me a complimentary PaloVia laser for my use in this study and the company will provide transportation, lodging, food and photo shoot in Manhattan. The PaloVia retails for $499. Click here to learn more about it.

Win a PaloVia Laser Wrinkle Remover!

Ya’ll! The nice folks at PaloVia are allowing me to give away a laser wrinkle remover, just like the one I’m product testing. I’ll happily accept your bribes, but you can’t win it here. The Vibrant Nation website is hosing the contest for me. VN was so generous to connect me with PaloVia, I figured the least I could do was to have the contest there. T0 enter, click here and answer the question at the bottom of the post. Be sure and click the green Join Now button at the top right corner of the page before adding your comment.

What are you waiting for? Hop on over to Vibrant Nation!

You could win this!

Full disclosure: Palomar provided me a complimentary PaloVia laser for my use in this study and the company will provide transportation, lodging, food and photo shoot in Manhattan. The PaloVia retails for $499. Click here to learn more about it.

Blessed!

Comments on this site…Facebook posts…private emails…texts…phone calls. Wow! People have been so kind to check on me following my recent rant. I’m fine now. I promise!

This little adventure has shown me that I have wonderful friends who sincerely care about me. What a blessing!

Mad As He11

For the past two days my meal portions have been too large. Why? Because it was brought to my attention that bold-faced lies untrue statements have been made about me. Don’t bother wondering which of my many circles of influence this is coming from. I’ll not cop to it. But I’m mad. I’m mad as Hell, frankly. But my anger has morphed from being mad at the perpetrators to being mad at me. I allowed myself to fall into the trap that many disordered eaters contend with…using food to stuff down my feelings. So what am I doing to turn this around?

• I’ve just spoken with a trusted adviser. The simple act of sharing my emotions with someone else has made this situation seem less like THE END OF THE WORLD and more like a minor annoyance.
• While I don’t know why this is happening, I can assume that the people involved have some sort of fear, and character assassination is their way of dealing with it. I’m grateful I don’t have to live in their heads. My mind is crazy enough, thank you.
• Tonight before I go to sleep I will pray for the perps. I’ve been taught to say a “resentment prayer” daily for 30 days. Trust me, I don’t mean a word of it during the first couple of sessions but during the course of 30 days magical things start to happen. My resentments disappear.
• While surfing Facebook I found a quote written by Byron Katie, a writer I admire. “Our job is unconditional love. The job of everyone else in our life is to push our buttons.” I’ll dwell on this for a few days.
• I’ve recalled another saying I’ve heard and like, “What people think of me is none of my business.” Ah….
• and finally, I’m admitting this to you.

Thanks for reading.